The most important question I ask in every lesson...

As an online tutor, establishing a good report with my students is crucial. One simple yet effective way to do this is by asking children how their day has been at the start of each session. This might sound like a flippant comment or just small talk but, in reality, it's so much more than that...

It's me asking "what's on your mind?"

Someone stole your new pencil today and you're afraid to tell your mum? Got into trouble for talking in class when it wasn't really you? Is it your birthday and you have a pink, glittery unicorn cake? Holding onto these things can sometimes mean it's almost impossible for a child to concentrate during a lesson and they spend the whole time trying to find a way to shoehorn what's on their mind into the conversation. This can be very stressful and, especially for children with SEN, can sometimes be the cause of a meltdown later on.

It's me showing I care

When I ask how they are, or how their day has been, I genuinely care. I am (usually) very good at remembering things such as when my students are giving presentations, going on holiday or even just seeing a movie at the cinema. Building a good relationship helps children to open up and realise that their life outside of the classroom matters to me too.

It's me checking on their mood

Understanding what kind of day the child has had means I can adjust the lesson slightly to cater for that. If they've had a particularly tough day, their resilience may not be as good as it usually is. Therefore, I might make a few changes. I might offer more praise than usual. I might offer more guided work rather than independent work or I might even adjust the questions to make them slightly easier. Getting a question wrong when you've had an awful day can be akin to when you stand on a plug as an adult and instantly want to cry - just a step too far.

It's me building confidence and conversation skills

This is especially important if your child is going to attend a grammar school entrance exam. When asked, "how was your day?" the answer "good," followed by a weak smile is not going to win any favours. Children need to be able to confidently discuss their day and hold a conversation with an adult. Ideally, you are striving for, "and how was your day?" at the end. Tutoring is about far more than academic progression, it's about learning to communicate too.

It's a safeguarding measure

It is sad but true that, when building relationships in 1:1 lessons with children, they can make safeguarding disclosures. Feeling safe and comfortable with a tutor sometimes leads to children opening up about issues at home which present a safeguarding concern. If this is the case, I have many years of training in this field and will handle such a disclosure in line with UK Safeguarding regulations. I will remind the child that it cannot be kept a secret and I will make appropriate referrals as needed. This may seem extremely unlikely to most of you reading this; however, it is worth remembering that, in 2023, 1 in 10 children were the subject of a child protection plan or on a child protection register in the UK.

So, the next time your child's teacher or tutor asks them how they are, remember they are doing so for many different reasons. All of which have your child's best interests at heart.